To Share Or Not To Share – To Know Or Not To Know

My thoughts are flying all over the place here… so I hope you can keep up ;)

When you have something that, if shared, will only succeed in igniting doubt, self-hatred, distrust, etc. with your partner…..should you tell?

I know there are so many different scenarios that could occur where this question would come up and I’m going to leave the whole field open for you to play around in.

Basically, what do you think is appropriate to share and what isn’t worth it.

In regards to cheating – let’s consider it – what you know to be cheating based on your relationship and guidelines (however loose they may be) you set with your partner.

I’ll start tossing out some specific thoughts now…just to get the proverbial ball rolling.

I think we usually break into 2 groups.

The ones who feel at all cost things must be shared. Getting the truth out there and all that. And then the other group who thinks that if its over or it was just a mistake you shouldn’t put that kind of hurt, needlessly, on your lover.

Some questions to consider – Is it actually needless hurt? Or is it something important, even if it’s a one time slip, that you should share? That they have a right to know? Is it fair to put that kind of grief on them? Is it fair not too?

Some other thoughts (because we’ve thought about them enough)- Is keeping it bottled inside good for you either?!

And perhaps most importantly…If cheating occured, most likely there was a problem in the relationship. If you don’t tell, can you really fix what brought this whole thing on to begin with? Are you destined to be miserable, with bottled up pain, forever in deference to what their feelings might be?

Oh god! So many questions, I know.

But wait! There’s more…

If your partner had cheated on you, would you really truly want to know?! I say yes, but then I’m like ‘Hell no!’ but then ‘OMG teeeellllll meeeeee everything!’ See? It gets crazy when I think of this shit.

There are people in both camps and lots opinions but I think when deciding, it comes down to this – Is sharing selfish or selfless? Is it for you or them? What can you live with? (Because you’re important too!)

I’m excited to know what you think!!


2 thoughts on “To Share Or Not To Share – To Know Or Not To Know

  1. Cheating is just…ridiculous.
    Like you said, there are many factors and it depends on the type of person you are and what rules you have in a relationship. It also depends on what you might consider cheating, obviously sex isn’t the only way a person can cheat on their partner.
    There is also emotionally cheating on someone. In regards to what’s better, knowing or not, I would see not telling as selfish. Cheating would mean that person wanted something else. So if they wanted something else then at least have the audacity to end it with their current partner before exploring other options. Telling the truth will obviously hurt the person who was cheated on but the truth tends to come out some way…isn’t it worse the longer the wait?
    Ultimately it could result in the relationship ending, but that’s what a person gets for cheating, even if it was a one time slip.

    • Sorry it took so long to post Kimmy! You make a fabulous point…and brought something to mind….”So if they wanted something else then at least have the audacity to end it with their current partner before exploring other options.” This is a huge respect issue! If you respect me then as you say, at least have the audacity (love that you used this word) to end it with me, or at the very least inform me of whats going on. Telling puts the ball in the other persons court which, when you’ve done wrong, must be terrifying. But again, like you said, that’s what the cheater gets. A loss of control as to the outcome. I’m so glad you commented!! You got my wheels spinning which I always appreciate :)

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