My thoughts are flying all over the place here… so I hope you can keep up ;)
When you have something that, if shared, will only succeed in igniting doubt, self-hatred, distrust, etc. with your partner…..should you tell?
I know there are so many different scenarios that could occur where this question would come up and I’m going to leave the whole field open for you to play around in.
Basically, what do you think is appropriate to share and what isn’t worth it.
In regards to cheating – let’s consider it – what you know to be cheating based on your relationship and guidelines (however loose they may be) you set with your partner.
I’ll start tossing out some specific thoughts now…just to get the proverbial ball rolling.
I think we usually break into 2 groups.
The ones who feel at all cost things must be shared. Getting the truth out there and all that. And then the other group who thinks that if its over or it was just a mistake you shouldn’t put that kind of hurt, needlessly, on your lover.
Some questions to consider – Is it actually needless hurt? Or is it something important, even if it’s a one time slip, that you should share? That they have a right to know? Is it fair to put that kind of grief on them? Is it fair not too?
Some other thoughts (because we’ve thought about them enough)- Is keeping it bottled inside good for you either?!
And perhaps most importantly…If cheating occured, most likely there was a problem in the relationship. If you don’t tell, can you really fix what brought this whole thing on to begin with? Are you destined to be miserable, with bottled up pain, forever in deference to what their feelings might be?
Oh god! So many questions, I know.
But wait! There’s more…
If your partner had cheated on you, would you really truly want to know?! I say yes, but then I’m like ‘Hell no!’ but then ‘OMG teeeellllll meeeeee everything!’ See? It gets crazy when I think of this shit.
There are people in both camps and lots opinions but I think when deciding, it comes down to this – Is sharing selfish or selfless? Is it for you or them? What can you live with? (Because you’re important too!)
I’m excited to know what you think!!