This is part of a dating series I was running on another site…its being moved here so that I can continue it with everything in one place. Enjoy!
Stages of Cravings While Single
- First 6 months- What cravings?! I love being single!
- Next 6 months- I miss the dating. You know the fun parts…first dates, first kisses, holding hands, crazy adventures and stories, the feelings. All the exciting stuff.
- One year mark- Relationships look good to me. Not all of the bullshit in the beginning stages but someone I’m comfortable with and love. The settling in part seems wonderful. I want to jump straight to it.
- 2 years and beyond- It all looks good. I’d settle for the fun dating or an arranged marriage at this point. Really anything that doesn’t involve coming home to or going out with just my dog.
Okay, that list is based strictly on my own exaggerated cravings but you get the picture. While being single, it’s really easy and natural to experience moments of craving/longing. They can overtake us at the most random of times- surprising us with both their sudden arrival and the intense feelings provoked by their visit. Some would call this brief pocket of time “desperate”. When experiencing this, it’s easy to jump at whatever comes your way because it looks goooood.
STOP! Its not.* Depending on what you’re in the mood for, you could be attracted to all sorts of odd things. For example; You may not like or be ready for serious relationships but in Stage 3 you crave it and so you get with the cute guy who is all about the commitment. 2 months in you realize you hate your situation and why are you knitting baby shit sitting across from this guy?!** Because you slipped up.
Having a list of guidelines will help you immensely in your Table For One days or your search. It keeps you on track. You’re not wasting time anymore. You can be single for longer periods (focusing on yourself) because you know what you do and don’t want. You aren’t quite as desperate and lost anymore. You’re looking. Once you write this stuff down you’ll start paying attention without even realizing it.
Since you are writing your own list this works for everyone. Whether you want fun flings or the serious stuff – the list will guide you. Tailor this for your wants. And also, your deal breakers. So let’s say that I hate when men laugh and slap people on the shoulder/back. I hate it so much it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. Then I’m craving the fun dating stage and meet a cute guy who cracks us both up and …..slaps me on the back. Ew right?! Not right. Once in the midst of said craving this contact suddenly takes on a new feel to me. Attraction perhaps? All I hear is his booming manly laugh. Now I’m loving it…shortly after, once the desperate wears off, I’ll be back to hating it though.
Keep this in mind. Deal breakers should always be decided in Stage 1 when you aren’t feeling miserable/lonely. This way you know they are there for a reason. Also, you can look at what didn’t work for you in past relationships.
Once you have your list…Stick to it as best as possible. The list should be written vaguely enough on most things that you have room. If you are staring at Gerard Butler and suddenly decide that your future husband simply must be Scottish (and you live in North Dakota) this may not be as reasonable as figuring out why you want him to be Scottish. Do you like the accent? Let’s break it down even more to voice or attitude. Maybe in the end “Having an attractive (to me) voice” and “Alpha type” ends up on the list instead of “Must be from Scotland!” See how that works? Having your options open leaves a more realistic opening and guideline for what you’re looking for. Putting on your list very specific physical descriptions might make you overlook the lovely young lady/gent who is a redhead & not your previously specified blonde.
In some cases, things that seem trivial and/or too specific really are important or deal breakers. This list isn’t about right or wrong for others it’s all you.The biggest thing to remind yourself when making it – this should be the nitty gritty of wants/dislikes. You don’t want to get stuck in a box of things you think would make you happy. You might miss out. So take some time to get to know yourself and what you want. Then…don’t settle.
*Well, it might be, who knows yet?!
**I’m sure this has never happened to me.
Any thoughts? What did your Single Cravings look like? And what would end up on your list? Spill :)